Today in Substitute Teaching: A Paraphrased Moment

ME: Hey, I'm here to sub for you!

TEACHER: Oh, good. You'll be doing a reading course with five 3rd graders who need the extra help.

ME: Wow, sounds great.

TEACHER: I don't know why they started you now, because no one needs you for an hour. So you can just sit here and read or whatever you want to do.

ME: No problem.

TEACHER: After the group, you don't have anything to do, either, so you'll have a lot of time to just do whatever, I guess.

ME: Oh, okay.

A half-hour passes in silence.

OFFICE WORKER: Hi, could you do us a favor?

ME: Sure.

OFFICE WORKER: Another sub never showed up, so could you teach a 5th grade classroom today?

ME: Oh. When do you need me?

OFFICE WORKER: In five minutes, and then for the rest of the day.

ME: Oh, boy.

Hours later.

MY FEET: Here's that dull pain you ordered. Please enjoy it for the rest of the day.

MY BACK: No... kill... I...